Before I could even begin to describe my move to Italy, there was another move that came first. I have always been a person to keep what I call an “exit strategy” in my back pocket. The Dispatch center I was working in was just not what I wanted for myself, or the rest of my Life. I had met some amazing people there and was on a great team, but the management and organization were seriously lacking. I found myself looking for something else. I think more than what it takes for someone to stay and tolerate what they do not enjoy, it may take a bigger person to put together their thoughts and work to change it.
Where I had lived for many many years of my Life was Jacksonville, Florida. I feel like I actually became an adult there. I had faced hard things; I had made choices for myself that set things in motion. I left the Navy, I left an abusive marriage.. and then became a 911 Dispatcher. None of this was easy. There were days and months and years that I didn’t know what the hell I was doing and second guessed everything. I put in the hard work. I created rituals of behavior. I obsessed over lists that I made. I changed bad habits. I threw out the bad people. All that was left for me… was Jax. It gets a bad reputation, but I loved it. I lived on the Southside, where there were plenty of bougie restaurants and shopping centers and nice apartments. The heart of that City is something I felt and heard every single day as a Dispatcher there. I heard the worst of the worst. There are pockets of those years that will never go away. You can’t silence something that made you. The grit and noise of what some people only read in a Florida Man article became my every day. It was the soundtrack of my Life. You can imagine that it’s not something that is sustainable for the long term if you want to also maintain your mental health.
The original title of this piece was going to be Heads Carolina, tails California. Which is kind of hilarious when I look back on it. I was never going to California. I said at the time that I would never be such a long flight away from my Family, and here I am, in a way different time zone. Instead, in the fall of 2021, I applied for a position at Fort Bragg, NC. I had no idea what it was like there. I would be working on an Army base (I’m sorry …post..I learned that one pretty quickly.) How would this Navy Girl survive? I had no friends there. Everything was really unknown. But I was determined to go. You see, I have Family in North Carolina. I had a sweet young Man that calls me Aunt Doozer who was close to finishing high school. I pulled that exit hatch with no doubts.
There were many going away parties, get togethers, small dinners and meet ups for drinks. I had a plethora of people to say goodbye to. I had burgers at a strip club, and a fancy dinner, and a pizza party where one of my besties brought a red velvet cake because it’s a favorite of mine. But in the end, I left the Big City, packed up my doggy, my husband and all my stuff, and then… headed to Fayetteville. In the words of the late Merle Haggard, I’m tired of these dirty old sidewalks, think I’ll walk off my steady job today.
As always, stay tuned for the next chapter, the next thought, the next story.
XOXO
Diaries of Suzy Doozer 
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