In The Twilight…

Once upon a Family Vacation; we were heading to the Jersey Shore, and it was raining. It would have been sad that it was raining on the start of our vacation regardless of course- but there’s more. My Daddy smoked these large, rather fragrant cigars. Despite my Mom’s asking, he refused to roll the windows down. He didn’t want the rain to damage the car interior, naturally. The only other thing that I really remember from this particular trip..was the cassette tape he played.  Jerry Lee Lewis, High School Confidential. Daddy flipped that tape back and forth over and over, until I think we had memorized the words to all the songs. It was the late 80’s or early 90’s..he knew what he liked to hear, and that tape was it.

Over time, my musical taste has evolved. I can admit that I have enjoyed some of the best and some of the worst. A true musical talent, and showman that has stuck with me..is Jerry Lee Lewis. He seemed a little bit like a bad guy that was also so good..I was in. I actually liked that he had fallen out of fame, that he was kind of unliked. I thought, and still do, that his voice was sensual, and ..watching his fingers on the piano at the time made me blush. He reclaimed it all in later years, and a new fan in the Staples Family. I remember going to this tiny music store at the top of the hill I grew up on, and scoring a new tape of his. To be clear, none of it was new then..but to me it was. I was in my teens, and couldn’t wait to go home and share with my Daddy.

Jerry Lee took some time away from music and touring, but in 2006 he released an album, ” Last Man Standing”. I remember speaking to my Daddy about it, and he said something along the lines of ..Oh that Old Coot, good for him! He was enthused that an artist that he liked was still relevant.


Fast forward to my 32nd Birthday. My sister rearranged her whole Life to come and see Jerry Lee in concert with me. Y’all…if your fave is playing in Memphis, you go there- right??  I don’t care that I’m driving 12 hours alone because some flaky friend had backed out. I had a huge, hot pink sign that of course my sister helped me with. I was gonna tell Ol’ Killer it was my special day!! She did make a point to tell me that if I somehow disappeared and ended up as  another young Mrs Lewis, she was not telling our Mother. When I screamed, and cried, I don’t know that she, or all the mild mannered folks around me were prepared. It was him, and he was singing just for me that day. We were in the presence of a True Legend.

In the album Last Man Standing, a song that struck me more than once is …In the Twilight. Jerry sings of things that I am now able to feel in a new stage of my Life. I now understood the subtle sadness, the way that he made his voice and the keystrokes on the piano paint a picture. It was possibly not a picture that I wanted to see. He sings that twilight is the lonliest time of the day. He describes asking loved ones not to leave him alone.

Today it is thirteen years that I have lived without my Daddy. There are still days that I am not even able to speak of him without having to look up, to stop the tears. He will forever be the reason I have just a bit of badass behind my pretty smile. I can always look in the mirror and see his green eyes looking back at me, but …it’s sometimes just not good enough. I love you Daddy, and miss you every single day; some days are just harder than others.

“Don’t put me in a frame upon the mantel, memories turn dusty old and grey. Don’t leave me all alone here in the twilight, cause twilight is the lonliest time of day”

XOXO -Suzy Doozer