There’s a tear in my Beer…

I hope that some of ya’ll know the song reference here..if not, its Hank Williams. Both Hank Sr and Jr tunes are things that I heard all during my childhood. My Daddy knew his country music, and made sure that I did as well. I loved every minute of it. There was something about the songs, the singers and song writers; they spoke to me. Country music has sadness, and heartbreak, lessons to be learned, huge celebrations of happiness and sometimes even my favorite-shenanigans!

I had a really long, amazing idea of what I wanted to say about the man that made me who I am. I now feel somehow without those words. I remember rides on his back in pools, I remember that he disciplined me, and also made me know what home and Family meant. I know that I had a man in my life that told me the truth, even if I didn’t always like it. He is still the smartest, toughest, funniest person I have ever met. He gave me his eyes, and his smile. He made me think, and act, and react, and love.

It was ten years ago today that my Daddy left us. Left me. There are still parts of myself that will never heal. I can remember the moment, and the conversation with my sister about bringing him home. It felt like the worst thing I had ever done, but knowing he’d be with us when he needed us the most was worth any pain I might have felt then. Daddy was home, where he belonged-with his Family. We all came together, the way he knew we would. I have my Sister and Brother in Law to thank for the strength I was able to have in the last days.

My Daddy was larger than life, and to me..taller than Heaven. He had the type of laugh that just made everyone else laugh also, and when he was angry..people cowered down. He made us stop and listen, he made me want to be a good, decent person. He might have gone about things in a way that was completely different, but he made it work. I once wrote a song for him called Roots to Fly, and I think that’s a great way to describe the way I feel now. He gave me all of the pieces. I know he also gave me the intelligence to put them together, and the grit to keep trying at it. I will figure it all out, ya’ll..it’s just something I’m working on.

I remember that ten years ago, in Reading Pennsylvania..there was not a cloud in the sky. His final ride through the city was beautiful. There is something to be said for the weather showing you what is what. Had it rained, I may not have felt him with me while I was preparing for the services that morning. I may not have given myself that moment to just..exhale. Everything plays its part.

I sometimes hear him in my own voice when I talk, I remember his laugh when somethings funny. There are times I swear I can hear him guiding me. Handy Fellow reminds me so much of him at times that I almost break down. Other times when I’m out with friends raising Hell, I know he would be right there with us. He is always there, with every single word I am typing right now. He’s there because he believed in me, even if no one else did, even if he wasn’t able to verbalize it. His name was Walter Thomas Staples II, and this tear in my beer will always be for him.  I love you Daddy, and miss you so much, every day.