When I arrived at the airport in Philadelphia this time, I did not even know what to expect. I knew the weather was clear that day, and I had gotten texts from the air line telling me that the flight was still on schedule, but you just never know it seems. Still, I hugged my brother and nephew, and walked in again to check my bag. I walked up to the gate and was searched briefly (flying first class has some perks y’all), and had a seat in the waiting area while texting some folks to let them know the pilgrimage was on-yet again. Before I knew it my section was being called to board and away I went. I happily reconnected with some misplaced travelers from earlier in the week that were just now able to get on their way as well, I really do make friends everywhere I go!
I had a really enjoyable flight, and in no time at all I was safely on the ground in Jacksonville; letting everyone know I was back in town. I was scooped up just outside of baggage claim, and was super glad to soak in some comforts of home. While I was outrageously happy to see the person that picked me up, I was focused on another little heartbeat that I had been missing-my boy Waylon! He stayed with friends of mine, and even though I got updates regularly, I missed him so much! As soon as I got there he was shaking with excitement and jumping up on me and I sort of just melted to the ground with him. I am not embarrassed to admit that I cried. That first night back together, he made sure to stick close to my side, right where he belongs. The picture you see above is the faces of happiness and love from my little pumpkin and I, and ironically you will see us down below as Dorothy and Toto several years ago!
Unpacking and unwinding really had to wait, because I had to work the very next day. Going back to work after such a lengthy time away was not easy. Remember I had been on “vacation” while I was sick and then away for all these weeks with my Mother. I had to get used to sleeping in the day time again, and focusing on my job. The strange thing is that, even though I have been doing this job for six years; I did not feel that comfortable the first night back. I was able to do everything correctly, don’t get me wrong, but it just felt a little..off.
In the weeks that I have been back I have noticed a few things that seem off to me. Some people and relationships, some things that I considered to be common place, even things I liked to eat. I felt like I lost a connection to a lot of things here, and I didn’t even mind that. The thing about changing, is that once you do it, you can rarely ever go back to the way you thought, or the way you were before. I had the idea to have the word changes tattooed on my foot, as I have the word choices on the left one already. I think maybe I will go with a favorite quote of mine “The time for change is now-Always.” I don’t remember who said it, or where I came across it, but it rings true for me currently.
I am back in my routine of work and school and hanging out. But there is still the nagging feeling that Jacksonville, this apartment, this place..that its just not what my home is supposed to be. I have moments where I want to just pack and leave right away. I can’t because I know that isn’t fair to the people here that care about me, and I don’t really know where I’d run to anyhow. That row home in Pennsylvania that saw me grow and change over 18 years of life, may have given me an opening to change and grow a little more. Is it the house, is it the people there and the memories we share or is it a bit of both? For me, today..home is the combination of all the things that I want it to be. Its the hearts of the people I love, the smells and sounds and tastes that make me feel a certain way, and the knowledge that I can always create that feeling in my mind. Just like Dorothy Gale was really at home all along, I can be too.
Diaries of Suzy Doozer 
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